Aus unserer beliebten Reihe: Badenglisch für Anfänger. Heude: Der Karlsruher Eilzug

The Karlsruher "Hurry up" Train

In other countries, cities, communities or even in the outer outback of australia a „hurry up“ train is very fast train, who brings you from A to B on the fastest way, especially in the rush hour, where very much people have to travel from A to B or even to C (but that get's now a little to complicated, when you wanna travel to C in Karlsruhe, but look therefor our chapter: „How to travel in this messy place, where the clocks tick different“). So the expression „hurry up“ train becomes new dimensions in Karlsruhe. A really big one, you can taste it if you wanna travel very fast with a „hurry up“ train from A to B (or even to C, you remember?) and stuck several times, because almost every train has to pass our Nadelöhr, which is lying on our little lovely shopping mall (which isn't lovely anymore), but the lovely shopping mall is too little for our big „hurry up“ trains, so they hit each other or the surface is disappearing or the drivers get sick or, or, or. And then you stuck, stuck, stuck and stuck again.

The Badeners like to say „Eile mit Weile“ which means „Hurry up, but not so fast“., it's healthier anyway, when you take your time (In fact: there are more suicidal tendencies then heart attacks since they started to build the „Kombilösung“ - you can see, „Eile mit Weile“ is very successfully!).So our „hurry up“ train is more a sightseeingshopping train, a very funny one.

And if you are on a station and wondering a tram who is standing on the station but doesn't open the doors so it's because it's a „hurry up“ train who stuck. And it's not allowed to open the doors in stations, which are not on its route. Never! Don't even think about it! (other clocks, you remember?) Other tourists thought, „hurry up“ means they should hurry up to enter the train because he doesn't stop in some stations and jumped on him. Bad idea. Don't do this. You can't win this contest. It also doesn't mean that you have to hurry up when you enter or leave the train (when he's already standing, of course). Never. Take your time („Eile mit Weile“, you remember?). So therefore, as you already noticed, we get a tube in Karlsruhe for the next generation of „hurry up“ trains, the „hurry up and down“ trains . We already have some of them, You can identificate them by hearing, they sound like a bad Chinese copy of the Japanese Shinkansen at the top speed of 425 mph but aren't that in time (of course).

It's anyway difficult in the moment to catch a tram in Karlsruhe which is in time. The last train, which was in time here was...let me see…..i can't remember, anyway it was a long time ago. It must be in front off the time where they started to rip off the Eingeweide of Karlsruhe for the Kombilösung. Since they started our construction workers (strong, rough men, you know?) have very much problems with mystic things, which happen in Karlsruhe. There are disappearing things which a very important for a tram which should be in time (the floor, on which the tram is driving, for example). The underground is disapperaing, where Guilia (our MURDER-Rip-Off-Machine) is underneath rameling, and no body knows why and where. I think, either Gulia is more hungry or they found a goldmine, the construction workers got rich and don't work anymore (but there are also other opinions, see therefore our chapter „Black holes in Karlsruhe?“). You see, it's better to take at least 30, better 50 minutes extra time (if you have a super important date take a cab).

But when the tunnel is ready (which isn't sure) we have new problems. Too much „hurry up and down“ trains wanna pass this tube, so it could be that you stuck again. Because it's so a little tiny tight hole, where this very big „hurry up and down“ trains must disappear. We have to push them. But we are strong people, you know? We'll get it organized, our governer in law promised that. So that the time can go faster bye when you are stucking again in our little dark tiny tight hole, we are thinking about opening some online shops in the tram or make some events in there, like a contest „The next super KVV Girl“ or some other funny games (of course we also prefer the games where it's better when it's dark outside). It's also very sad that the trams don't drive on our lovely little shopping mall anymore, where the sun is shining and the bear is flying! Therefor we paint the tube inside with lovely pictures of shops! Of all shops which you can imagine, shoe-shop. candy-shop, sex-shop, KVV-Ticket SUPERstore and so on. But we are planing further (much!), Our big thing is the forth dimensional. We builded a fully automtically smelling machine which create the smell of all shops above where the „hurry up and down“ trains can stuck. So from every shop which is on the tunnel route. Isn't it funny, when the driver of the „hurry up and down“ train is declaring: „And now we stuck at the „Badische Backstub“ and then you can smell the taste of fresh made brezelen over the whole „hurry up and down“ train? We don't knock on our shoulders, but this is great, isn't it? Yes, it is. We still have little problems with this new technologie, at the moment it would be better if you don't stuck at the public toilet, then you are lucky (very). But we work on it, later when everything is done.

Have Fun in our town and enjoy! Whatever you wanna enjoy here!

Cheers! swallow